Shopping, clothes & coming out
This column appeared in the Equity Buckfield newsletter issue #9 in June 2023
When I started my transition, the only clothes I owned were masculine in style. I didn't want to wear them anymore, so I knew I needed to go shopping. I had no idea what my size would be, so I knew that I needed to try things on.
I asked a friend that I'm very comfortable with to go with me and we decided to go to Portland. I figured it was a bigger area so people would be more accepting and I was right! As we pushed a cart full of women's clothes to the fitting room, the attendant asked us which one of us would be trying them on. I proudly said that I was.
I went home and tried everything on with a wig that I had also picked out that day. I finally had everything I need to present female in public and I couldn't have been more excited. I decided that the first place I had to come out in woman's clothes was at work.
The first day I wore a wig to work, I was terrified. A female coworker laughed at me. I didn't budge, though: My hair hadn’t grown in yet and I felt much more myself in a wig than I did without one.
I spent the first year of my transition being ridiculed at work. I finally found a new place to work and have mostly been treated well there.
When I went out to shop or run errands, every place was new. I would feel incredibly anxious before going anywhere for the first time wearing women's clothing. You just never know how a group of people are going to react.
In the past three years, I've learned which stores I'm most comfortable in. I tend to frequent the same grocery stores, the same convenience stores, the same restaurants, the same nail salon...I stick with places that have respectful, courteous staff. Also, gender neutral bathrooms are a plus: Feeling safe in the public bathroom plays a huge role in where I go.
When I first came out, I didn't have many places that I frequented because I didn't know them yet. But I've learned where I'm safe and where I feel the most comfortable. I enjoy sharing these places with my friends and family.
We are never truly our open selves unless we feel comfortable. I know I'll have to face new places every once in a while, but I have come a long way.
I asked a friend that I'm very comfortable with to go with me and we decided to go to Portland. I figured it was a bigger area so people would be more accepting and I was right! As we pushed a cart full of women's clothes to the fitting room, the attendant asked us which one of us would be trying them on. I proudly said that I was.
I went home and tried everything on with a wig that I had also picked out that day. I finally had everything I need to present female in public and I couldn't have been more excited. I decided that the first place I had to come out in woman's clothes was at work.
The first day I wore a wig to work, I was terrified. A female coworker laughed at me. I didn't budge, though: My hair hadn’t grown in yet and I felt much more myself in a wig than I did without one.
I spent the first year of my transition being ridiculed at work. I finally found a new place to work and have mostly been treated well there.
When I went out to shop or run errands, every place was new. I would feel incredibly anxious before going anywhere for the first time wearing women's clothing. You just never know how a group of people are going to react.
In the past three years, I've learned which stores I'm most comfortable in. I tend to frequent the same grocery stores, the same convenience stores, the same restaurants, the same nail salon...I stick with places that have respectful, courteous staff. Also, gender neutral bathrooms are a plus: Feeling safe in the public bathroom plays a huge role in where I go.
When I first came out, I didn't have many places that I frequented because I didn't know them yet. But I've learned where I'm safe and where I feel the most comfortable. I enjoy sharing these places with my friends and family.
We are never truly our open selves unless we feel comfortable. I know I'll have to face new places every once in a while, but I have come a long way.
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