Trans women and dating

This column appeared in the Equity Buckfield newsletter issue #11 in August 2023.

I want to take a minute to acknowledge transgender women in the dating world. Dating is so much harder after coming out. It’s easier to find a date, but nobody seems to want to keep a trans girl.

My inbox is full of people wanting a date, but every time I let myself go with one of them it’s always about sex. I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship right now, but I am about more than sex. I want connection and fun. I want dates and to feel safe in public. But that seems to be a tall order.

A friend said it best: I just to want to spend time being happy together. Isn’t that what everyone is looking for? With so many people on this planet you would think it wouldn’t be hard finding someone who agrees and who also thinks I’m cute...which brings me to my next point: Why?

Why do we as humans crave that connection? Is there an off switch? If so, can you please tell me where it is? I honestly would not mind being happy alone, but alone is so lonely. I go through my days trying to keep myself company but almost always end up wishing someone else was there to chill with, chat with, smile at, and hug on bad days. I have friends that give me these things from time to time and I will forever love them for it, but I am missing something. Something I wish I could just not miss.

Maybe someday I’ll either find someone to spend my time with or learn to love myself enough to be happy alone... I don’t know, maybe I’m just not ready. Maybe I am still learning to love myself. Is that why I’m not happy being alone? I’m still learning to love myself? They say that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I don’t know if I believe that or not.

I’ve had people in my life that have taught me a little about what it means to love myself but I also feel like I can love others while I’m learning. Someone to learn with would be nice.

Anyways, thanks for reading more of my random thoughts.

~Riley